Today is one of the hardest days for me to go to church. Every year this day comes as a megaphone for a longing not yet fulfilled. Each year I whisper a prayer that 'next year' the Lord would fill our arms with a beloved child. This morning was no different in heartache or pleas to the Lord, but in the Lord's goodness even with empty arms He filled my heart.
I knew this morning would be baby dedication Sunday...at our church the 'magical water' works for every women who even glances in its direction (so I feel). Women young and old pregnant and birthing new life is announced in every weekly newsletter. Our church is known as the "baby make'n church!" Today we celebrated about 25 babies lives. Amen. Getting ready for church, Dustin asked me how my heart was doing. Honestly, I said, "I am really doing okay. Not really allowing my heart to feel this morning. Tired of focusing on me, just wanting to rejoice in the blessings of other moms today. Want to love and serve them." But, as we dedicated and prayed for all the new babies, with all the young doting parents, my resolve to 'not feel the hurt' dissolved. Worship began and I wept in the arms of Jesus as my arm reached high in the air for a gentle hug. He heard my prayer...He always has, every single year, every month, every day.
My dear friend, Krystina, who is celebrating her first year of Motherhood today sent me the sweetest words this morning...which I got right after my tear-filled worship. She took her eyes off her own celebration to shower me with the Lord's love. She said, "I know you are not a mother in the way your heart desire, but you have been a mother to many young girls. You have encouraged and lifted me up too..." and she finished with reminding me that not a single tear shed before the Lord has ever been lost. Then this afternoon, my friend Kat--who is also celebrating her first Mother's Day after seven years of waiting for their adopted baby boy--wrote me, "'Because of the Lord's great love you are not consumed. For His compassions never fail! Great is his faithfulness.' God is faithful to you Nally's...a year ago my arms were empty, but God has been faithful to fill them. I'm praying you will rest in His peace, presence, and sovereignty today."
When someone I am counseling says, "God isn't answering my prayers"...or..."I'm not sure God is working in my life." I remind them that I am sitting beside them...a physical answer to their prayers to have a friend walk with them through this time. A physical "Jesus" who can give them a giant hug and minister the Word to their broken hearts. Krystina was my "Jesus hug" today and Kat was the Lord's Word to my heart. (Multiple other ladies loved on me this morning with kind words, a hug, and even our dear friends' parents taking us to lunch with their family...so we didn't have to go home 'alone.')
Thank you selfless women...beautiful mothers...who have shepherded my heart in such a deep and nurturing way this Day. The Lord, through you, has been so near I cannot even begin to thank you for being His loving arms today.
May I always be reminded how much my Father loves me...and how much the Church is His beacon of love and hope.
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